May

I'm finally beginning to feel like my old self again. Still very tired and getting big, but I don't have to hold my breath anymore when my husband gives me a hug. I don't know what it is about Wil and my pregnancies. The last one it was his deodorant, which I had personally picked out, that sent me running to the bathroom. This time I'm convinced that he smells like a field of wild dirty mushrooms. Thankfully, he never takes my pregnancy crazies seriously and carries his laid back attitude and calm demeanor through everything he has to shoulder on since I practically became a vegetable. Chase and Wil were always inseparable, but I think my being out of commission for a few months had really strengthen their special bond. While we were on vacation, she kept asking if he had to go back to work and I could see a sign of relief and joy washing over her face as he told her that he was going to spend the whole 4 days with her. My feeling was a little hurt when I first got sick that she would ask for him as soon as she opened her eyes in the morning, but I quickly got over it because I knew it was just her way of coping with our changing lifestyle. We used to go to playgroups and story time almost everyday of the week, and suddenly her father coming home from work was the highlight of her day. Seeing them together now only makes my heart grow a little puffier. And if I thought the month on April was terrible, it was only because I didn't know that hell was waiting for us in May. I don't want to rehash everything (I'm sure you had enough of my "puke, AGAIN!" updates on Facebook), but Chase's battle with antibiotic resistant bacteria that first caused a simple UTI that eventually turned into a full fledged kidney infection took a lot out of all of us. All the fear about what if antibiotic #3 also failed and the guilt that I should have acted sooner when she kept complaining still haunt me. I was so grateful that Wil was able to take time off from work to help care for her. As wonderful as it is to have a partner with whom I can share the good times, there is such peace to know that he will always be my rock during the worst and the scariest of times as well. Even baby Chase senses that. Whenever things are not quite right in her world, be it a broken piece of toy or a stain on her shirt, she would say with resolution "Papa fix it!" So it was only natural that all she wanted when she was so sick beyond words was to curl up on his chest and refuse to budge. Because he was going to fix it. Because he was going to take her fever and pain away. As the 4th anniversary of our marriage is approaching, I'm again reminded of how truly blessed we really are to have found each other and to be able to share our wonderful life and children.

I'm working on gathering pictures from the past few months, but for now there's a whole lot of work to be done around the house. Poor Wil can only do so much after work, so I guess I'll see you again after our laundry room no longer looks like a landfill, the dogs are brushed, the meals are prepared, the house is cleaned, and the baby is fed and happy. This might take a while.