Or So It Appears

First of all, I blame my friend Becky for loaning me her cute baby to play with for a day. It was just long enough for me to be utterly enamored with his chubby little rolls, his baby cooing, and constant want to curl up his soft little body in my arms. Even when both Chase and Eli were crying at the same time for my attention, I laughed out loud and thought to myself that it was most definitely doable. STAY CLEAR FROM CUTE BABIES!!! THEY WILL DISTORT YOUR SOUND JUDGMENT!!!

Ok, the following paragraph will contain far too much information for some of you, but if you want to feel uncomfortably close to me, hang tight.

So here we are. I always pride myself in knowing exactly what's going on inside of my body. Apparently not this time. I completely dismissed the late (or rather, never) arrival of my certain monthly visitor with the whole wisdom teeth removal and the subsequent infection and rounds of antibiotics. I was exhausted, yes, but wasn't every parent who had to go it alone? Wil was out of town for most of this month and I just thought this drag on my body was just an accumulated result of everything that had been going on + an active 23 month old. We were on the second month of trying but thought his being out of town during most of the "window" pretty much null the effort (haha, I hope you are enjoying all the euphemism I'm coming up with instead of saying "we had sex." Yes, Dad, we slipped pass holding hands. Please don't kill the father of my two children) and was going to put a pause on our family building progress anyway since pcsing is looming large at the very end of the year or the very beginning of the next. Whad'Ya Know?!? I don't have a firm due date from an OB, whom I won't get to see probably for another 6 weeks, but according to Professor Google, I'm due anywhere around 19-24 of November. Just a month to get the baby's birth certificate, passport, and Social Security card before packing up our lives and move it across the ocean. I'm totally blocking out the whole being homeless and having to find a temp shelter while house-hunting, find somewhere to board my two big boys, and live in the said shelter with an almost 3-year-old and a newborn while my husband is too busy with his new job and will soon be sent to school for 6-weeks. And my car will still be on a big boat somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic ocean when all this happens. Yep, putting all that in a lock box and am not going to panic about it until it's time to panic about it. Panicking takes extra energy and if I got that I would be using it to nap right now.

I hate to jinx myself, but I feel surprisingly good besides the overwhelming exhaustion that comes right after I open my eyes in the morning. No morning sickness yet and no sciatica. I know I'm still way early (about 6 weeks), but it was around this time while carrying Chase that I started upchucking and upchucking I kept for the next 8 months. At about 8 weeks I started falling everywhere because of sciatica that kept me on the couch for most of the pregnancy. I saw my family practice doctor yesterday and told him about my past experience. He seemed hopeful that my joints were already loosen enough from the last go round that things would not be too painful this time. I have the glorious German spring, summer, and early fall weather on my side, and hopefully we'll be able to see much more of this beautiful country and the rest of Europe on our feet and bikes before heading back to the Motherland. I find it hilarious that I, a Thai citizen who's been living in America for half of my life, will be bringing two American children back to their country that they have never lived in before. Ok, I think that was the first time I actually acknowledged out loud that I was going to be a mother to two little people. How weird! Time to find a nanny. Mom? Grandma?

Now I'm going to have material to bitch, er, write about on the blog besides posting cute pictures of my soon-to-be Big Kid, who is still every bit of my heart. Yesterday while I was getting my blood pressure taken at the doctor's office, Chase started to get this grave concern on her face. She kept asking "Ma ok?" I assured her that it didn't hurt and I was fine. She kept saying "Ma ok, Ma fine" while petting my leg. I didn't realize until later that the only time she ever came across the blood pressure machine was during Wil's multiple hospital stay and I'm sure it brought back a lot of unpleasant memories. My heart breaks a little when I think of what she has gone through in her short life and what she has yet to conquer. I recently came across this post from CJane and was comforted by the fact that I wasn't the only mom who felt this way. Not that I won't love the new baby or that I am not excited about his/her arrival, but for now I want to lavish all my love and attention on my still only child. And the soon-to-be-neglected Husband. And the boys, who will be pegged down even lower on the totem pole. Poor things. But we're happy, happy, happy! And if I had the extra energy, I would be jumping and twirling, but you know what I said about the energy. Still happy, nonetheless :).